Creep
by lilac paradox
Summary: What's unrequited love to a heavily scared heart? It's simply another pain to live with, another poem to sell, another tear to cry in the dark.[rating for language]oneshot, songfic


A.N.: Well, after putting this song on repeat and wandering around in the twilight, this idea seeped into my mind. The song reminds me of Folken so strongly that it would be horrid if I didn't put up a tribute to our beautifully angsty bishie. (Not in the words, exactly, but the sound and emotion behind it fits him so well.) Anyways. Slightly AU-ish. The only difference is that A) Folken didn't die (duh), and B) Hitomi stayed on Gaea. (both of which I would've liked to see in the series; but alas, they had to break my heart. Twice.)

The song is Creep, by Radiohead. (I adore it. The end.)

Standard, boring, and depressing disclaimers apply. No purchase necessary, see inside for details!

**Creep**

She'd never notice him, really. Honestly, who did he think he was fooling? She was in bliss around his brother, and only came to him when the little twit had said something insensitive or was ignoring her.

She was his perfect foil, and it enraptured him. Even her physical appearance was opposite: blonde hair, sparkling emerald eyes, and that slight tan that made her glow. She was happy, and energetic, and optimistic, and he was surprised she willingly came to him, broken heart or no.

Looking in the mirror, he couldn't help but berate himself. Here he was, everything had gone better than he could've ever hoped, and he was locked in his dim room like some brooding, lovelorn teenager.

_When you were here before  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
You're just like an angel  
Your skin makes me cry  
You float like a feather  
In a beautiful world  
And I wish I was special  
You're so fuckin' special_

He _was_ lovelorn, true, but he refused to admit it. He was the only one not bubbling with joy at the upcoming marriage, and he felt sick at the mere thought of ruining it for everyone. No matter how strong his feelings, he had wronged Van too many times to do it again. He would put on a faint smile for her benefit, then fade back into the shadows, like he always did.

She intimidated him, in some ways; she was so honest. He had spent the past years lying: to himself, to his family, to the world. She was open, and he closed himself off.

She had made it through the war and grown; he had barely survived the scars and self-loathing that had followed.

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here._

He knew the looks he got. He still wore his sorcerer's cloak, and the dark makeup. He still wore his tattoo with semi-pride, and the maids were afraid of him. People whispered that he still practiced dark magic in his rooms, and that the only reason he'd been allowed back into the castle was because of the spell he'd placed on his own little brother.

The only reason he'd gotten in was because of her pleads with Van; and that only served to break his heart more.

_I don't care if it hurts  
I want to have control  
I want a perfect body  
I want a perfect soul  
I want you to notice  
When I'm not around  
You're so fuckin' special  
I wish I was special_

In the middle of the night, when he lay awake in his bed, he would reflect on his desires, and admit, only to the shadows, that he would better himself if that would gain her love.

But he knew it never would.

She was entangled in the new-found love of the king of Fanelia. She would become queen, and sire heirs, and he would disappear, and she would never notice.

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here._

He would keep himself up for hours wondering why his little brother; She could hold up a debate beautifully, and was learned on math and science. Her companionship had enlightened him on many occasions, and she'd talked animatedly about her world, and the technology.

Until Van came to apologize, and they went off to live in paradise again.

_She's running out again,  
She's running out  
She's run, run, run running out...  
_

She always left him for Van; and that simply drove the dagger deeper. Never to go shopping with a friend, never to complete a chore, or to read. Always to run back to him, and leave her shadows to taunt him.

_Whatever makes you happy_  
_Whatever you want_  
_You're so fuckin' special_  
_I wish I was special..._

He would give her anything. He found books she seemed even slightly interested in, he told his brother what jewelry she'd like, he'd even strived to find a dessert similar to one she'd described to him during their talks. She'd given him that glowing smile, and hugged him, and run off to show who else? Van.

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,  
What the hell am I doing here?  
I don't belong here_

As the memories faded away under the assault of reality, Folken took his last look at the castle and town of Fanelia, and flew towards the cold moon, silently wishing her happiness

_I don't belong here._


End file.
